I look back on the past

 I look back on the past. I look back on the past. I look back on the past.

I seem to do this all the time. I think about what I should have done. I regret everything. Or, occasionally, I imagine everything was better back then.

Of course I agonise over what I might do in the future too. But I believe really that mostly I just think about the past. Like it is a full-time job. A highly paid one for which I am highly motivated. One for which I leap out of bed in the mornings. One for which I drink gallons of coffee throughout the day. One that keeps me awake at night fretting over every detail. One for which I give everything.

It is my job and my hobby and my curse and my living daydream/nightmare: I think about the past and sometimes I agonise over the future and I am perpetually inattentive to what is happening around me and to me and to those around me just now. I have no time for now, you see: I am thinking about the past.