5 People Perfect For Leeds

Hockaday was not the right man for the job. However, now that he's gone, it's alarming to see how few really good alternatives there are out there. Still, I do have some people in mind, people who I think would be perfect for Leeds.

1.) Oprah Winfrey

Unlike David Hockaday, Oprah has experience of operating at the highest level. She could easily handle any 'big-time Charlies' and would have no problem whipping under-performing players in to shape. She knows how to motivate, but she's a good listener, too, so she'd be there to put her arm round a youth team player's shoulder when he needed it most.

Wouldn't take any shit. Would strike the fear of god into Luke Murphy.

2.) Sun Yat-sen (孫中山)

As a formerly-exiled revolutionary, Sun knows how to deal with hardship and is good on the road. Away days at Brentford or Rotherham are nothing compared to freezing winter campaigns against the Imperial Army. Furthermore, while Cellino's Italian connections have enabled Leeds to attract cast-offs from Series A and B, Yat-sen's position as 'Father of Modern China' would place him perfectly to attract the cream of Chinese talent.

Sun's mantra 天下為公 ('the world is for all') is certainly a philosophy fans could get behind.

   

3.) Lad

Despite being a dog, Lad would outperform Hockaday in every department. Training sessions would be fun again, but don't think they wouldn't be productive. Lad can run all day and he expects nothing less from his players. His style of out-and-out attack would certainly please the fans. The Championship might be a dog-eat-dog league but Lad would chew the opposition's face off.

Ready to rip McClaren's throat out.

 

 4.) Gloria?

 

I'll admit that I know next to nothing about her but this Carnival dancer would get more out of the Leeds squad than any of the last three managers. Her name's Gloira, I think, and she's as hard as nails. She'd sack Noel Hunt off, get Alex Mowatt in the team and stop us shipping goals, that much I can guarantee.

She'd command respect from her first day at training.

 

5.) Grigory Rasputin

Although he officially died a century ago, most people would agree that Rasputin's power lives on and would be more than sufficient to get Leeds back into the Premier League. Mourinho's good for a quote, is he? Grigory would play the media like so many balalaikas. Also, you might have thought that Rodolph Austin had a good glare on him, but he'd wilt under the kindest of Rasputin's gazes. The team would follow him through the gates of hell. And if you need inspiration for tomorrow's match against Bolton, Redders, just pin his picture up in the dressing room.

Inspirational