Sorry I ate all your Nutella

Awfully sorry but I ate the whole jar
I lost control while watching Andrew Marr
"Doom!" say the headlines: I take it to heart.
Spoonfuls of Nutella are only the start.

We're told to live in fear, like it or not
duly obliging: more than surviving
I'll eat all the sweet chilli crisps you've got.
While Farage grins, my waistline is thriving.

I weep into Pot Noodle: Trump's pursed lips
and the sight of a real alt-right rally
have this chocolate cake going to my hips.
Is this a re-vote, who's keeping tally?

The saddest thing of all is simply this:
faced with what they say is a grim future
it's all I can do to sit back and eat.
Enough's enough - time to get to my feet!

Got to be calm. With right's rise or left's drop,
I'm eager for a political fight,
but now I have to pop to the shop
because I've eaten all your Marmite.