52 - Christmas Cancelled

The Star

19th October 2013

The tyranny of the health and safety nuts reached dizzying new heights this morning when Father Christmas himself was taken into custody. After a dawn raid at his North Pole hideaway the bearer of gifts, still thought by many to be a jolly and well-meaning figure, was bundled into a snow-van and carted off to face his accusers. While the nature of the charges brought against him remains unclear, as Santa has long been a target of the misguided rage of our killjoy overlords, many believe that his time in custody is likely to last through this Christmas at least.

Onlookers described seeing a dishevelled and terrified Santa reacting with dismay as his front door was kicked in and he was led away. "He didn't say anything. He looked too shocked to move but just held onto a piece of toast from his breakfast, until one of the men in uniform knocked that from his hand of course."

The once universally venerated Saint was led away in silence as an overhwleming 'armed response unit' took mere moments to put his toy production operation into complete shutdown.

It seems his elves were powerless to defend their master. "Makes you think" said one of them "All these years slaving away. You think you know a person, but this just makes me want to leave it all behind, maybe go and learn kite surfing."

His workmates were not all of the same mind, however, and another diminutive toy-maker had this say: "We'll fight this. There are ways of doing things and what's happened today is a disgrace. I will love it when Santa is proved innocent and set free. One day these bureaucrats will get what's coming to them." Worryingly, this man was later seen resisting arrest on the charge of a public order offence relating to an incident with a hammer. Police would not offer comment on this particular elf's whereabouts.

As things stand the only confirmed details are that Father Christmas has been arrested and that his assets have been seized. Updates will follow as they come in. Let us know what you think of Santa's arrest, using the comments section below or #SantaSentDown on Twitter.