Tuesday, 23 July 2013

It's a Man!

Despite reports to the contrary, insiders at the Palace have confirmed that the Duchess of Cambridge has in fact given birth to a fully grown man.

Weighing in at 13 stone 4 lb, the nameless child was "the biggest one" Doctor Thorpe-Beeston had seen in 56 years spent working as an obstetrician. "He was huge. When he stood up next to His Royal Highness Prince William you could clearly see that he was taller, despite being 31 years younger".

"We tried to get the measuring tape on him, but he was as slippery as an eel"

After a prolonged period spent on the floor, the royal baby stood and greeted his parents. He is said to have bowed, shaken hands with the Duke of Cambridge, and said charming things to his mother, all the while displaying the utmost attention to etiquette.

Finding the 6' 4" baby's goo-ey nakedness "a bit much"; however, Prince William graciously asked that appropriately-sized clothing be provided. Having worn a towel around his waist during his first moments, the newborn settled for a passing doctor's trousers, which he wore with aplomb.

After spending a few minutes at the mirror practising personal introductions, the baby disappeared. The Duchess of Cambridge is reported as saying "one minute he was stood there, the next he was gone".

While there has been much speculation regarding the over-sized infant, its whereabouts are presently unknown.

As soon as we have more information, further reports will follow.

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