Friday 8 August 2014

Leeds in for Ronaldo

On the eve of their new Championship campaign, Leeds United have emerged as favourites to lure buck-toothed Brazilian legend, Ronaldo, out of retirement.

Owner Massimo Cellino has been quick to dispel suggestions that the former Inter, Barcelona and Real man is too old and too large to be of any use. "Fuck you know?" he said, speaking from an Elland Road window cill, adding "I ask your fucking advice? This man could carry the whole city on his back. He's a fucking god!".

Pleased to be asked for his opinion, manager David Hockaday said, meanwhile, "Massimo's working on giving me a Brazilian. I couldn't be happier".

 
The big man in his pomp

The former World Cup,  Copa America and Copa do Brasil winner would certainly be an asset to 1992's league champions. A big hole was left by the departure of Ross McCormack, one which el Fenómeno would fill nicely.

Local football expert Paul Roberts was over the moon at the news, saying "I remember him winning the BBC Sports Personality of the Year Award, or at least the overseas section, in 2002. I cried that night. He'll still put himself about. He'll be a handful for the likes of Brentford".

A recent photo
Ronaldo played his last match for Corinthians in 2011, but, three years on, Leeds are set to bring him to the second biggest league in the world, while sending Noel Hunt the other way, just for the hell of it. Hunt has been quoted as saying "I like Brazil".

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