35mm photos from Pride and live football in Guernsey: September 12th 2020

12th September 2020: it was Pride in Guernsey. Also, FC Isle of Man were on the island and played Guernsey FC at Footes Lane. The match ended 1-1 before the Green Lions won on penalties in front of maybe 900 people, including Roary the Lion. It was the first day of the new Premier League season too. 

Ric and I went and witnessed Pride. He more so than me. I was late after working maybe - two or three months is too long ago to remember. There had been a parade from Candie Gardens into town, I believe. We met in the market, then saw the first half of Leeds-Liverpool at the pub. We walked down to Footes Lane in time for the Guernsey match. Pictures below. All photos are 35mm, shot on a Pentax mz50, using Kodak film.

 

draft: Yeboah Inferno Mash-up

draft of a proposed Tony Yeboah Dante mash-up - feedback needed, of course
illustrations by Gustave Doré, with a few changes, included for fun

midway through the journey of my childhood
I found myself at an intersection
between stages of youth

teenage angst lay ahead
all around were savage
the very thought of it renews the fear

I can't say how I wound up lost
so full I was of slumber
hearing only Oasis and Greenday

I had abandoned the true way
left those hours of watching Leeds
highlights back in the day

once I met that guide
glorious rays spoked out round
terror ceased

beforehand I'd been a shipwrecked sailor
watching waves reaching a desolate shore
no living soul to know

now rested and calmer at least
it seemed I was alone no more
gone suddenly from famine to feast

I beheld him in that vast desert
"have pity on me" I cried
"whether you're undead or just alive"

to show he lived still
he scored
in off the crossbar

said "I've transferred from Germany
to show you the way"
well, I've loved football from then till this day

Alex Mowatt: Better Than Howson?

Having just seen Leeds run Birmingham pretty close, I'm so happy I fear I might explode. Repeat that second half performance week after week from now until April and we'll do all right.

There were a few encouraging performances. Cook was excellent. Austin was strong and made a difference after coming on, as did Doukara. Silvestri made some decent saves. The stand-out man was Alex Mowatt though. Is he better than Howson?

5 Reasons Mowatt is Magnificent

1. His hairband looks good on him.
2. Cuts a fine figure in his hairband, he does.
3. Wearing a lovely hairband, he looks great.
4. He's so dashing, what with that hairband and everything.
5. Hairband.

It keeps his hair out of his eyes, while looking great.

The Race to Lead Leeds

Some are saying that good candidates will be put off by the turmoil at Leeds, but regardless of Cellino's perceived shenanigans, with David Hockaday gone, one of the biggest jobs in the Championship is up for grabs. You would expect a club of Leeds' stature to attract some big names. Just who is in the running:

Rolando Maran (4/6 - favourite)

 

 

We only get shit refs

51 year-old Maran is currently out of work, having been sacked from Catania for a second time on April 6th of this year. His previous reign at the Sicilian club having ended only just over six months previously, he was brought back in an attempt to turn the club's season around. However, his second spell at the club ended in five straight defeats.

That was his last job: sacked for the second time from a struggling club. Five straight defeats is worse than the Hock managed. Unlike Hockaday, however, Maran has quite a lot of experience as a head coach, albeit it at lower-tier Italian clubs. Though his time in charge of both Bari and Vicenza ended in him getting the sack, he did have some success at Varese, whom he led to the Serie B Playoffs Final.

Steve Clarke (7/2)

 

Clarke's is probably one of the more encouraging names in the frame for the job. Though he's only held one senior role as head coach, when he managed West Brom for around 18 months, Clarke has a good reputation. He's been assistant manager at Chelsea, Newcastle, West Ham and Liverpool and the one season he completed with WBA saw them achieve their highest finish (8th in the Premier League) since 1981.

He's been out of work since leaving the Baggies in December of last year. To my mind he'd be a good fit for Leeds, but what do I know?

Benito Carbone (8/1)

They get Tom Lees, we get this man?

Carbone spent a few months at the club earlier this year, assuming the verbose job title of Special Consultant to the Board of Directors for Sport Matters including Facilities & Academy. His time at Elland Road ended in the summer, with family reasons being cited, though many suspect that he failed to get on with Cellino, which I imagine is a fault common among many humans.

As a player, Carbone reached the highest level. As a coach, his greatest distinction was keeping third-tier Pavia safe from relegation in 2011. Apparently fans there dubbed him Harry Potter for the magic he worked. Since then he's been sacked by Varese, where he was replaced by Rolando Maran, and quit as head coach of Saint-Christophe Vallee d'Aoste.

Gary McAllister (8/1)

Club legend, not yet proven as a manager.

McAllister's spell in charge of Leeds lasted less than a year and was not marked by particular success, though he did lead the club to the 2007/08 League One Playoff Final, where we lost to Doncaster.

Since leaving Elland Road at the end of 2008, McAllister has mostly been out of the game, though he did spend some time as Gerard Houllier's assistant at Aston Villa.

Gary Megson (20/1)

 

No!

Paul Ince (66/1)

The man played at Inter and Liverpool too but those associations wouldn't be seen as a problem.

This is just getting silly now. Aside from good spells at Macclesfield and MK Dons in the lower leagues, Ince has not covered himself in glory as a manager. His time at Blackburn saw his write 'shoot!' on a piece of paper, since his strategy wasn't getting across to Premier Leaue players. Last season at Blackpool, meanwhile, his main tactical manuevere seemed to be "play my talented son, Tom".

As a former Man U player, would he be accepted at Elland Road?

I'm sorry, I keep seeing flashes of Megson's face in my mind's eye. I'm going to have to go and lie down for a bit. Before I go, one last candidate:

Tony Pulis (18/1)

At least his appointment would lead to baseball cap sales at the club shop.

Say what you will about his boring tactics, but he consolidated Stoke's position in the top league and got Palace to their highest finish in decades. Our defence has been a joke for some time now. Unlike most of the other candidates mentioned here, you can say with some certainty that Pulis would deliver results. Would you rather dull stability or topsy-turvy excitement?

I Want to Fall Asleep to the Full Classified Results

I want to fall into a long sleep off the back of this list of scores. Read out as I drift off; read out into my beginning dreams. Great blank sand dunes rise and fall beyond the horizon. This is a twilight land where I'm suspended on air. This ain't flight. You'll not starve. Cold doesn't exist. Instead, this is a colourless and mute world. To fall asleep with the ongoing scores. Would they'd go forever, featuring endless results that dip into every imaginable league. Enough time to sleep forever.

Who is Mirco Antenucci?

Who is this man?

You may never have heard of him, but he is a Leeds player now. The Italian has played in the Serie A for Catania and Torino and, until his move to Leeds, was captain of Serie B side Ternana.

In action for Torino

At ths moment he is an unknown quantity for most of us, even if we have seen him scoring acrobatically in the video below:

Indeed, you can watch the following compilation of clips of Antenucci scoring from various different angles. It's not the most impressive showreel for goals and bits of skill, but even so you can get excited about it, since it looks like the man must have scored a million goals, once you've muted the music, which channels Avril Lavigne and Blink 182.

 

Studying his appearance and goal stats is a less exciting experience than watching the compilation. He has had a couple of spells at clubs where he's had a 1 in 2 record, but on the whole he's got pretty underwhelming stats for a striker. 16 goals in 60 appearances for Torino doesn't sound massively promising.

At the moment it is hard to know what to expect. As with so many other news members of the squad, we essentially know that he's Italian, without having a lot more to go on.

Leeds Going Up

Leeds United proved Saturday that they have the strongest squad in the Championship and confirmed themselves as nailed-on certainties for promotion. Beating Middlesborough in style, they looked like Bayern Munich, having completed their pre-season preparations two weeks into the campaign with the additions of Cooper and Sharp.

Fans are now urging owner Massimo Cellino to invest next year's Premier League television money in the squad.

Billy Sharp's 88th minute tap-in has seen him heralded as "better than Yeboah, better than Becchio, better than Rod Wallace even".

The new '30 goal a season' man at Elland Road

One fan immediately went out to get a full-body tattoo of the starting line-up from Saturday's victory. An angry-looking Rodolph Austin will glare out from the man's solar plexus.

Boss David Hockaday has been quoted as saying "the fans shouldn't get carried away".

Opening Day Defeat Reveals Van Gaal as Shit Bastard

"Shithouse"

Fears that Louis Van Gaal was pretending to know what he was doing were confirmed Saturday as the Red Devils slumped to defeat in their first match of the season.

David Moyes' successor was feted as a fancy continental operator and many thought his role as Netherlands boss proved that he knew a bit about football, but 96 wretched minutes against Swansea have now seen the worst nightmares of Man United's fans come true.

Bill from Bermondsey had this to say: "Who is this joker? What's he ever done? They should've got Harry Redknapp in from the start".

In Newquay, a man was hospitalised after receiving a beating for suggesting that it was "only one game" and "not the end of the world".

Investigations show that Van Gaal is actually a vacuum cleaner salesman from the suburbs of Amsterdam. His wife has been quoted as saying: "Tell him to call home. It's time to end this charade". Van Gaal apparently has no plans to relinquish his self-imposed exile-cum-fraud.

Asked how he'd successfully pretended to be a football manager well enough to be given the top job in English club football, the chubby door-to-door hoover-monger, destined surely for a swift return to obscurity, smiled cheekily and said he'd just "winged it".

Informed by our reporters that he was bound to get sacked as soon as a replacement could be found, Van Gaal didn't seem fazed at all, merely grinning inanely and muttering about his multi-million pound pay-off.

The man does know how to sell a vaccuum cleaner.

Speaking for a nation of Scum supporters, Scott from Inverness opined: "I said from the start: Who is this cunt? Vin Girl? Ven Ghoul? Very Crap more like. Get rid".

Odds have now been slashed on Man U to do even worse than last season, an outcome which would only mean continued merriment for all other football supporters.

Pulis: "I wish you all the joy you can wish"

Having left Crystal Palace by mutual consent less than 48 hours before the start of the season, Tony Pulis has issued a statement to fans of the club.

His missive, which has been noted for its personal tone, begins: "I wish you all the joy that you can wish" before adding "For I am sure you can wish none from me" in an admission of his inability, under the circumstances, to bring continued success to Selhurst Park. While his sudden departure has drawn criticism from many Palace fans, Pulis' statement gave away no hint of bitterness. It continued as follows: "And when your honors mean to solemnize the bargain of your faith, I do beseech you, even at that time I may be married too".

This last part confused some in the press pack, but Pulis simply wished the club all the best in the coming campaign and, refusing to answer any more questions, sauntered off while wiping away a tear.

Leeds United's Season Ends in Disaster

David Hockaday's side battles in vain for eight minutes before league campaign is declared defunct

 

Leeds United failed to impress, or even create anything resembling football, as the curtain was brought down on their season yesterday at the Den. Making opponents Millwall look like Bayern München, they blundered their way to a thoroughly deserved two-nil defeat that put the kibosh on any hopes that the 2014/15 season would bring anything but woe and shame.

 

Manager David Hockaday is set to be sacked, as owner Massimo Cellino looks to build for next season's inevitable return to League One.

David Hockaday: "worse than syphilis"

It would be nice to say that the Elland Road club fought valiantly before succumbing to glorious defeat, but the opposite is true. They embraced their humiliation limply with the look of lame strays en route to a first and last visit to the vets. Playing their now-familiar roles as laughingstocks, Jack Charlton's former team shambled about with all the dignity of a teenage drunk what's shat himself at  a party and has to make his way home on the train at seven in the morning.

With their season now over, several Leeds players are already in negotiations over moves away from the sinking ship. Matt Smith, Sam Byram and Luke Murphy are all Norwich-bound. Meanwhile, Cellino has reportedly flown back to Miami in disgust, deep in a sulk, vowing to return in time for the 2015/16 campaign.

Leeds in for Ronaldo

On the eve of their new Championship campaign, Leeds United have emerged as favourites to lure buck-toothed Brazilian legend, Ronaldo, out of retirement.

Owner Massimo Cellino has been quick to dispel suggestions that the former Inter, Barcelona and Real man is too old and too large to be of any use. "Fuck you know?" he said, speaking from an Elland Road window cill, adding "I ask your fucking advice? This man could carry the whole city on his back. He's a fucking god!".

Pleased to be asked for his opinion, manager David Hockaday said, meanwhile, "Massimo's working on giving me a Brazilian. I couldn't be happier".

 

The big man in his pomp

The former World Cup,  Copa America and Copa do Brasil winner would certainly be an asset to 1992's league champions. A big hole was left by the departure of Ross McCormack, one which el Fenómeno would fill nicely.

Local football expert Paul Roberts was over the moon at the news, saying "I remember him winning the BBC Sports Personality of the Year Award, or at least the overseas section, in 2002. I cried that night. He'll still put himself about. He'll be a handful for the likes of Brentford".

A recent photo

Ronaldo played his last match for Corinthians in 2011, but, three years on, Leeds are set to bring him to the second biggest league in the world, while sending Noel Hunt the other way, just for the hell of it. Hunt has been quoted as saying "I like Brazil".

Why Leeds Should Buy Vidal and Cavani

So, we've been forced to bid farewell to our bonny Scottish goal-prince (that's Torprinz for those of you swept up in the German love-in, and when I say those of you, I mean all of you, since only bitter Brazilians are resisting the urge to love all over the Germans). In return, however, we're getting £11m (ELEVEN MILLION POUNDS STERLING). Furthermore, in addition to those millions we have Massimo Cellino, a man who couldn't look more like a messiah figure if he crucified himself. This is an uomo who will rescue Leeds from Championship Hell, absolve us of our sins, which are too numerous to list here, and redeem our fortunes in the Kingdom of Prem, but, with the club in such a mess before this cash injection, the question must be "Where to start, Luigi?".

What to do? What to do?

Such a cool dude

Spend it, Massimo! Spend it good!
 
And if you will spend it, here's a rundown of players who could be tempted to restore Elland Road to the peak of Zion, well, maybe a less divisive peak, considering the situation in Israel *searches Internet* here's a rundown of some players who could be tempted to take part in the celestial construction project that'll put Elland Road back on top of Mount Sinai:

Who Leeds Should Buy

 Thiago Silva

That's right, I think we should sign the Brazil Captain. My reasoning? Firstly, he'll want a change after a disappointing World Cup. Secondly, he's known to have an aversion to the way David Luiz, a new signing for Silva's soon-to-be former club PSG, stands very, very close to him in training. And thirdly, in a 2009 interview with a local newspaper in Brazil Silva is quoted as saying "the greatest club side in the world is Leeds United, everyone knows that!"

He'd not only shore up the defence, but also take some of the strain off Rudy, who would be only too happy to hand over that Captain's armband. Get on the phone, Massimo!

Arturo Vidal

He might only want to come to us for a season, but I'm fine with that. He might even do a Cantona after, but to be honest, I can handle that, especially since the pain of seeing him play in those colours would always be tempered by the knowledge that the Scum will never get to have Pogba, Vidal's teammate, back.

Surely, with your connections, Massy, you can have a word in the Juve Chariman's shell and work something out. We might be able to get him on a free. 

He'd terrorise the Championship. Think about it. In fact, I'm thinking about it a bit too hard, I'm going to have to go and have a, erm, lie-down.

Xherdan Shaqiri 

Now, here's an interesting one: He only played 17 times in the league for Bayern last season, so he's bound to want to move. On top of that, Bayern are known to be interested in signing Michael Tonge and personally I think a straight swap for Shaqiri would make a kind of mad sense. 

He's 22, and was Switzerland's best player at the World Cup, but he's not that well known in the UK, so we might be able to grab him quick before the Premiership scouts catch on.

The best part for me is his nickname: "the Alpine Messi". Yes, please!

Edison Cavani

 

Look at him. He's gorgeous. Imagine him striding manfully around Elland Road, smashing the ball, which would be only too willing to be smashed by such a man, into the top corner and cantering into the crowd to gather me, or any one of us, up in his arms.

He'd be a decent replacement for Ross, though he plays a slightly different role. He's great at holding it up, maybe even better than Matt Smith, whom I rate.

Business tip for Massimo: Try to do the Silva and Cavani deals at the same time, since they'll both be coming to Leeds from PSG.

That's it for now, let me know what you think in the comments section below.