The Benefits of Drinking First Thing in the Morning

Join me in taking up this life-changing regime. It’s healthier than the paleo diet and endorsed by celebrities from L.A. to Hong Kong.

If you’re unsure about committing yourself to this lifestyle, you can begin by signing up to become an Entry Level Patron. For just £5 a month you’ll receive instructions on the small steps you can take that will make a massive difference to the way you live: Did you know that just one shot of grain alcohol before 9am could increase your productivity by 25%? Sign up now to receive dozens of additional pointers about daytime alcohol intake.

For those of you who don’t know, here are some of the top benefits to drinking alcohol first thing in the morning:

1.) Lower Carbon Emissions: We all want to do our bit for the environment. Driving to and from work or school every day certainly doesn’t help. For the sake of Mother Earth make sure you’re over the drink-drive limit from breakfast time. Hey presto! You’ve done your bit to save the planet, since you’ll be legally required to leave the car at home.

2.) More ‘me time’: We all want to focus on ourselves. Once the people in your life realise that you’re going to be drunk from early on each day they’ll avoid asking you to do things for them. Hey presto! You’ve taken a major step towards improving your quality of life and will now have a lot more time to yourself.

3.) Fewer Hangovers: Getting drunk in the morning, rather than in the evenings, means you’ll have a choice to either sober up before bedtime or carry on drinking until you pass out sometime around mid-afternoon or early evening. Hey presto! You’ve done your bit to ensure your mornings are free from hangovers, especially since our sunrise drinking regime will help you nullify any residual bad feelings from the previous day.

I could go on and on. The list of benefits to Early Morning Alcohol Intake (or EMAI) is certainly very long indeed.

Sign up now to receive the weekly e-letter and access to the podcast and, for medium and high-tier patrons, a personalised drinking plan that will see your life change forever. God bless and bottoms up!